I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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