He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
