I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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