Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
