No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
