Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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