My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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