Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
