your parents love me but you hate me
White coat. Heels.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
