she was so not down for the gang bang
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
