I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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