my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
