Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize