her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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