don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
