I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
