Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
