Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
