ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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