Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
