I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
