You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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