She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
