His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
