if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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