insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
