like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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