i was rollin on her like bob the builder
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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