hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
