hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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