how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
