I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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