wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
