I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
