youre lurking in front of me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
