wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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