either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
