I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
In America we eat man semen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
