do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
