god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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