apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
