you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its liver damage thursday
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
