i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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