he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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