I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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