I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
