youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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