We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
