I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
