Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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