I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
