i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
