How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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