dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
